Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
