you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.