I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
