having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.