Texts From Last Night

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  (432): View more from Texas

  So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?

  (207): View more from Maine

  You need to stop watching Twilight.

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  (432): So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler? (207): You need to stop watching Twilight. http://tfl.nu/oudp
  Replies (48) Good night (1429) Bad night (1620)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?

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  (412): Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline? http://tfl.nu/g8m6
  Replies (45) Good night (1649) Bad night (660)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.

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  (330): We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times. http://tfl.nu/361k
  Replies (38) Good night (4970) Bad night (968)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?

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  (630): He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that? http://tfl.nu/r8k1
  Replies (44) Good night (1377) Bad night (8999)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi

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  (712): Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi http://tfl.nu/26u7
  Replies (3) Good night (2159) Bad night (1130)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.

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  (804): My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her. http://tfl.nu/xqm6
  Replies (7) Good night (5105) Bad night (886)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?

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  (563): I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one? http://tfl.nu/bi5f
  Replies (11) Good night (1428) Bad night (940)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.

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  (865): If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan. http://tfl.nu/8pg6
  Replies (4) Good night (1053) Bad night (720)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  You are such a penis elitist

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  (250): Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing (1-250): You are such a penis elitist http://tfl.nu/ym08
  Replies (11) Good night (1588) Bad night (607)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult

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  (813): Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult http://tfl.nu/ufyx
  Replies (6) Good night (1984) Bad night (641)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.

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  (440): being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day. http://tfl.nu/9xbm
  Replies (5) Good night (771) Bad night (350)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.

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  (506): That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers. http://tfl.nu/8tel
  Replies (2) Good night (1020) Bad night (368)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.

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  (647): I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about. http://tfl.nu/aqdw
  Replies (2) Good night (994) Bad night (357)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.

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  (908): I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers. http://tfl.nu/0ntm
  Replies (0) Good night (281) Bad night (146)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written

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  (216): I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written http://tfl.nu/tojk
  Replies (0) Good night (306) Bad night (133)

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