i already hear my dad disowning me
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
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You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.