I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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