...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
