The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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