She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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