God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think I have vodka in my lungs
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
