woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
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I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
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I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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