So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
