a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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