What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
