Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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