Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
