He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
