Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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