im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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