how can u be prego again
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
