So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
