...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize