College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
