your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
