mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
