I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
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I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
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He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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