why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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