I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
