Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
