Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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