Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
