I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
