Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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