My room smells like vodka and shame
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
