she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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