I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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