I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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