I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
