All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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