After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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