If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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