It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
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