there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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