I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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