dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize