i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
