it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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