sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
