I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
