I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
