I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
