Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
