I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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