She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
