i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
