Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
