I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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