I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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