Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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