Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
