I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
