i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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