Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
