I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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